Is Johnny Cash your favorite hip hop artist?
No. Snoop Dogg is my favorite hip hop artist. ~Johnny Cash is his own genre. An icon. A motherfuckin' GOD!!!
Do you find rubber chickens arousing at 4 am?
Yes. I find rubber chickens highly arousing 24/7 365. Especially when I'm Under The Bleachers.
Tin foil hat or sheep skin condom which is more stylish?
Sheep skin condom with viking helmet.
Could you explain how Texas is the actually capital of the world?
Texas is it's own country. So secede already Goddamnit!!!
John Patrick Robbins would like to know can you foresee the future of humanity in the song known as Man In Motion in the film Saint Elmos fire?
Not sure about the future of humanity, but John Parr's voice still makes my nipples hard.
What did you think of Twilight staring John Wayne?
John appeared a little stiff in Twilight. I prefer his cameo in season 5, episode 20 of the Beverly Hillbillies entitled "The Indians Are Coming"
What is the greatest underwater porn staring non aquatic actresses with a guest appearance by Flipper?
Christy Canyon in Dancing With Dolphins Part Deux
Can you name your favorite roller coaster within a five mile radius of James Denis Casey’s House?
The Raging Bull when it's running backwards...and only on Ash Wednesday during a leap year.
Are you willing to star in my upcoming art film?
Fuck Yeah. As long as I'm paid in cash today. Just place small, unmarked bills in your Grandma's green Samsonite suitcase and leave it in my locker at the Greyhound Bus Station at 1101 Troost Ave, Kansas City, Mo.
What did you think of the crime drama The Color Purple?
I prefer slasher films, like "The Man With One Red Shoe"
Jimmy Buffet has been reading my thoughts how do I block him out of my mind?
Play Son of a Son of a Sailor in reverse while screaming out the lyrics to LICK IT UP in a Flyin' J truck stop restroom.
Does Charlton Heston narrate your life too?
FUCK CHUCK! John Hiatt gets the nod to narrate my story. "Queuing Master of Disaster...as we speak"
Would you still be my friend if I didn’t have a magazine?
Hell yeah, Amigo. You bring the cash...She's got the jack.
Can you tell me why my Hollywood career has fallen so downhill?
Your starring role in Peckers of the Caribbean was disappointing. Perhaps you should move to Toronto and try directing autoerotic asphyxiation Kung Fu films starring a David Carradine stunt double.
Are hunting Knives a good substitute for toilet paper?
Only pre 50's era, USA made KA-BAR's...the ones with a picture of Mr. Whipple on the sheath.
The first love of my life… I would suck in my fat when she walked by with her zit-faced best friend Laura Stark. I asked her out in 7...
We are at the roulette table in the Bellagio. The computerized one because it has seats and lower betting minimums. A mother and daugh...
The cavity where your heart once lied now cradles a colony of maggots boiling in frenzied feast finally giving your life purpose ...
You’re a real dick, you know that?, he said. At least I’m a real dick and not one of those fake plastic sex parlour ones. Do I get t...