Hungry, broke, and stoned after the softball game and fresh off an unheard of Golden Sombrero in slo pitch, Milton scalded his testicles trying to smuggle a rotisserie chicken out of Foodtown. He screamed like a toddler, shitty diaper deep in a tantrum, when the smoked poultry juice snaked around his genitals and down his legs.
The store manager, a short, club footed Indian wearing a red, white, and blue turban for protection, gave a pseudo chase as Milton staggered outside. A chubby teenage boy corralling carts plowed into him like a middle linebacker bearing down on a halfback.
“My fucking balls. Goddamn, my fucking balls are on fire,” yelped Milton as he writhed underneath the teen like a desperate spider on a crumbled tissue square.
The manager pulled at Milton’s crotch yelling, “Give me back my bird, you, you bitch man. I want back my bird.”
A skinny blonde cashier with eyebrows bushy and multicolored like a psychedelic caterpillar grabbed a black security guard by the arm and ran towards the men wrestling on the asphalt. After catching her breath she said, “I saw the bum stuff the $4.99 Perdue special down his pants.”
The guard’s eyes widened. “Frozen or hot?”
“Hotter than hell. Just off the spit.”
“A hot chicken? Down there? Damn, I hope we’re not too late for the barbecue. That shit’s like a delicacy if cooked right.”
About Tony Pena:
Tony Pena was selected as 2017-2018 Poet Laureate for the city of Beacon, New York.
A new volume of poetry and flash fiction, "Blood and Beats and Rock n Roll," is available now at Amazon. His publication credits include "Dogzplot," "Gutter Eloquence," “Hudson Valley Transmitter,” “Misfit Magazine,” "Red Fez," “Rye Whiskey Review,” "Slipstream," "Underground Voices," "Zygote in my Coffee," and others as well as a self published chapbook, "Opening night in Gehenna."
Colorful compositions and caterwauling with a couple of chords can be seen at:
This is hilarious, I dig it.
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