the little girl in the hat that says smile keeps turning back to wave at me by John Grochalski

this is no chance encounter for the ages

she looks like she’s three

and i’m forty-five

we don’t run in the same circles

but the little girl in the hat that says smile

keeps turning back to wave at me

while her mother gives me

one of those embarrassed grins

like she’s trying to figure out

whether i think this whole act is cute or not

i don’t

or i don’t know

my interactions with children

run the gamut from non-existent to awkward

most days i don’t like kids

and honestly, i’d prefer

to walk down the street as i always do

anonymous and untethered

an observer not the observed

but i try to play along

i wave and i smile

feeling like a goddamned idiot

hoping that it’s enough to satiate the small beast

but my actions seem to egg the kid on

and she starts waving with both hands

lurching back towards me

as if her stroller is on fire

mom is still wearing

that same stupid grin

trying to keep the stroller from tipping over

jesus christ, i think

watching this business unfold

enough is enough

so i pick up the pace

and pass them as quickly as i can

with the kid

now moaning and whining

huffing, getting ready to wail

and something inside of me feels for her

like i understand her yearning

her need for connection

that feeling of desperation

in trying to find one soul that understands

i think maybe i should turn back

one last time

give her a huge smile

and a wave to end all waves

make her day puppy dogs

and rainbow ice cream sundaes

so i do

but the kid is already turned back around

waving and smiling at someone else

like i never even existed

the co-dependent

little fuck.

About John Grochalski:

John Grochalski is the author of the poetry collections, The Noose Doesn’t Get Any Looser After You Punch Out (Six Gallery Press 2008), Glass City (Low Ghost Press, 2010), In The Year of Everything Dying (Camel Saloon, 2012), Starting with the Last Name Grochalski (Coleridge Street Books, 2014), and The Philosopher’s Ship (Alien Buddha Press, 2018). He is also the author of the novels, The Librarian (Six Gallery Press 2013), and Wine Clerk (Six Gallery Press 2016).  Grochalski currently lives in Brooklyn, New York, where the garbage can smell like roses if you wish on it hard enough.