Wi-Fi Guy Code Gumshoe by Ron Murphy

It was on a dark and stormy night, because it was at night time so it would be weird if the sun was out.

I was in my office going over case files and drinking expensive scotch while watching internet porn.

The woman burst into the room which was very rude, considering I was almost to the good part of Circus Fucks Seven.

The woman stood there gazing upon me, probably undressing me with her eyes.

“Hey what are you doing and why are you wearing a ski mask?
It's kind of weird, I thought this was a detective agency, you look more like a bank robber.”

She had a valid point and huge tatas, but I didn't let that distract me.

Because I was a professional and clearly this woman was in need of help, or maybe she was just all wet and wanted to get out of the rain.

And then maybe possibly, I could slip her something in her drink and have sex with her.

 Either way it was  was shaping up to be a great night for Ron Murphy.

“Look mister I need some dick, some private dick that is, can you help me?”

This lost and confused woman had  sparked my interest.

I wanted to stand up, but first I had to zip up my pants or my ding ding would be hanging out.

 And this would probably be very inappropriate.

 And I had no idea if this woman was one of those other kinds or not. 

In that, I mean a prostitute or Christian. 

“Ma'am please take a seat, how can I be of service to you?  In a non-sexual way?

 Because I don't want to be sued, because I never know who was a lesbian feminist or not.

 And you never know when John Stossel, has yet again set one of those many traps. 

To once again curse Ron Murphy's very existence.”

“Why the fuck do you talk about yourself in third person?  And like who the hell is John Stossel?  Are you even a detective or are you just crazy?”

Once again this woman had  a fine point, She spoke to me for a while.

She told me about her problem. She said her husband suspected she was cheating. And she was suspicious, he had hired a private detective to follow her around.

 So now she wants to have her own to follow him around once seems kind of strange to me.

“You know you're strange, but I like you, you're different, you actually listen to me when I talk.

Got anything to drink?”

She asked as I quickly poured her a scotch.

She had something about her, well besides fantastic tits.

And quickly the conversation moved to that of a sexual nature.

“You know I have always had a fantasy about being taken by a dude in ski mask.”

“So have I, but it was a faze I was going through in college, or when I go on crystal meth binge.”

This beautiful creature looked at me slightly confused like most women do.

That's when suddenly we embraced kissing deeply and softly, yet in a very macho heterosexual way.

Then somewhere in the distance thunder crashed and music cued.

As we made sweet love for almost half a second.

  And no sooner had she stumbled into my life she was gone leaving me with a cash envelope.

For a job I had no intention of doing.

 For I was no private dick, I had simply broken into this building to use the free Wi-Fi.

 So I could watch kinky internet porn like real men do.

I should really learn to read. 

Maybe then next time I would know the buildings I was breaking into.

 Yes she was gone like the wind or a hooker after you pay her.

 except in this  encounter, I was the one being paid this was truly a victory for all men.

It was a sacrifice I had to make. I would think of her often, well at least that's what I'm saying here.

 So I don't sound like a total asshole  and aggravate those femanist or John Stossel because his fucking eye’s are everywhere.

Stay strong true men and all you other people as well.

You’re welcome!

Ron Murphy, was voted greatest human being by Better Homes and Gardens all tulip issue.

He has been nominated for 50 Dui's and is wanted in most states.

He is also a card caring member of triple A.

And enjoys drinking scotch, hookers an competitive bowling.

His work has been published in 

China, where he is a television host of a show he has never watched.

He also is the first graduate of the Ryan Quinn Flanagan workshop. 

Where he has learned to express himself through finger painting and interpretive dance.

Ron currently resides in a place with four walls and a internet connection.