1.Do you often find yourself attracted to open fields, or is that just me
Absolutely. I love hiking, and coming upon an open field, especially in the summer, is always a pleasure. I’ve had to adjust though, since I’m more sensitive to things like mosquitoes and ticks as I grow older, so I’ve utilized my inner strength as an MFC (Midwestern Fat Caucasian), and now wear sweat pants over my shorts like a fucking lame.
2.Would you like to defect with me to Canada?
Lets do it! I’m a Canadaphile, and try to visit it at least once a year (usually Toronto or Windsor, being that Ontario is right next to Michigan). It definitely has its own terrible history and problems—just ask their Indigenous folks—but compared to the fascist shithole that AmeriKKKa is...yeah, it’s way better. I will also gladly fight to defend Canada from Trump’s thugs, cause once I’m outta America, I’ll be damned if I’ll be part of it again.
3.I'm thinking of a number between 12 and 14, Can you guess what it is?
12 ½?
4.Why do you choose to write, and why on earth have you done so for this God-awful magazine
I write because I feel like it’s my mission in life. I like to submit to this magazine, and others like it, because I figure they’ll be more open to my writing style and interests—plus I don’t like to wait forever for a response/rejection/publication (like you’ll get from such publications as college literary magazines).
5.What is a question you have always desired to ask me?
Is it possible for leftover crack to exist?
6.Geraldo Rivera, do you believe Al Capone set him up for future failure?
Undoubtly! Capone knew that, before Geraldo even existed as a sperm in a nut, that he had to give it to him.
7.What do you enjoy doing in your free time that is hopefully not writing and very much illegal?
Burning down the homes of fascists, recording it, and getting loads of cash by making reaction vids to said crime I’ve obviously committed, yet never seem to get in trouble for.
8.Do you like skittles?
Nah, M&M’s gang rise up!
9.I read your work yesterday. You are welcome.
All I can say is that I’m glad you did something good for yourself.
10 What is the difference between a fjord and a bay? Do not Google the answer, as I did while googling myself.
Similar to questions like “What is the meaning of life?”, I prefer to just drink myself into a stupor and not think about it.
11.Why poetry in less than 12 words
It’s something that has to happen, for better or for worse.
12.How would you rate this interview
experience on a scale from 100 to 100
Over 100, because I can be truly honest for once in my career/life.
13.Do you know where I could purchase some quality drugs for research purposes?
No, but I know where we can get some mediocre drugs for dank decision-making.
14.What is your favorite sea creature?
Anything that was featured in that Aquaman hentai I came across one time at band camp.
15.Do you know the location where the world lost all common sense
The Interzone.
16.Would you like to discuss any future project over some fine wine and gentle Norwegian death metal?
If the “fine wine” is Boones Farm Blue Hawaiian, and the Norwegian death metal is mostly instrumental, then YEAH, COOL, LETS DO THIS.
17.What endears readers to this publication that's called a daily yet only runs occasionally
Because I love myself a good publication that’ll keep including two T’s in my name every time I’m published in it, even though I spell it with one T throughout my writing, social media, correspondence, etc.
GARRET SCHUELKE is a writer, podcaster, and musician that currently resides in Grand Rapids, Michigan. He is the author of the GODAN series (Bakunin Incorporated), Anamakee (Riot Forge Studios, 2016), Whup Jamboree: Stories (Elmblad Media Group, 2017), and three ebooks. He is also the host of The Garret Schuelke Podcast, The Cheeseburger Blues: An Exploration into Dad Blues Rock, and A Riot of my Own. He makes music under the moniker Neobeatglory.
To learn more, visit Garret Schuelke’s official website: garrxxqxx x wzx,wx
q 1xX ×- etschuelke.tumblr.com.
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