Monday, August 6, 2018

Awkward By John Patrick Robbins

Tommy had been dating Linda for awhile now yet still it hadn't happened. 

It was continual tension that was driving him nuts.

"Dude what the fuck are you two waiting for this shit is ridiculous".

Tommy's best friend Roger said.

They as always were hanging out.
Since they were kids the two of them had been best friends.

"I love my sex life is really your top concern asshole ".

"Dude you need to get laid I told you let me just hook you up with one of my chicks man they don't play games like Linda ".

"Yeah well no offense but I told you I'm not really into your sister bud ".

Roger cracked up. 

"Fuck you man ".

Just then Tommy heard his phones all to familiar ping he knew it was Linda.


"Damn man that was fast what she know were talking about her"?

Roger piped in.

Tommy tried to ignore his buddies digs.
Hell when he had been hooked up it was like Roger had been on house arrest he seldom saw let alone heard from the fucker.

Tommy checked his phone and sure enough it was Linda.

Asking did he want to come over and watch a movie if he wasn't busy.

Tommy didn't need to put deep thought into his reply.

And although sitting and sharing beers with Roger was fascinating as he talked shit about a wide variety of subjects that all seemed to revolve around pussy.

Tommy would rather take his chance on getting it rather talking about it.

"Man I got to split so ".

Roger didn't budge.

"Cool man can I have a another beer oh yeah man can you spot me five bucks "?


"Jesus Christ dude I just lent you ten yesterday what the hell"?

"No shit dude I spent it and need some smokes so ".

Tommy never needed kids cause his best friend was far worse than any child on this earth.

Tommy handed Roger a five.
“Okay man now fucking scram cause  I got to go” .

"Dude what's the rush I never seen a man so eager to catch a case of blue balls in my life ".

"Dude fucking scram I got to get ready ".

Roger laughed as he headed out the door then paused .

"Hey man it looks like it's going to rain outside mind giving me a lift to the store "?

Later after finally dropping off his siamese twin finally Tommy was alone with Linda on that old couch some forgettable flick on the TV.


Had Linda not been built the way she was maybe Tommy wouldn't have been a frustrated as he was.

Linda was perfect in every sense.
Long black hair thick little body with curves for days.

She laid against him.

Her hair smelled so fucking good.

They began to kiss the movie just kept on playing a backdrop like any other.

It was getting hot and heavy .
Tommy slid his hand under her shirt .

Linda stopped him.

"Tommy I want to but before we do there's something I have to tell ".

"Baby please,  I dont care lets just fuck okay please".

Tommy pleaded it had been two weeks and he couldn't take the thought of yet another night in agony and later hearing Rogers jokes it just wasn't playing out that way tonight.


They made their way to the bedroom and finally there was no hesitation.

She was bent over the bed the scene was perfection at its best.

Tommy drove himself deep inside she was tight and he was harder than granite you can figure out the rest.

Every thrust was one closer to the end.

Then he heard it.
Tommy herd a pussy fart before but nothing as loud as that but it felt so good he just tried to ignore it.

"Fuck me harder "!

Linda called out.

The more Tommy thrust the louder it became each one longer and more pronounced the next .

If he slowed or changed his pace the sound seemed to keep up in steady rhythm.

Tommy fought his urge to laugh and Linda just kept moaning and farting louder and louder.


Tommy had to give himself credit for not losing his hard.


It kept going on a awhile.
Then it happened Linda's hips began to quiver.

And then Tommy learned a secret besides his girlfriends musical vagina as the flood gates opened.

And she squirted all over him.

It was a fucking mess.

He for the first time in his life faked a orgasm.

And later as he sat over at Rogers place he tried to pretend that nothing had happened.


"Dude I know you got laid man so what the fucks up why are you acting so damn weird"?

"It's nothing man".

Tommy replied.

Roger knew Tommy like the back of his hand and although he joked him nonstop he thought of him like a brother.

And he let Tommy know he could trust him hell Tommy had been a brother when Rogers wife split with the kid and never gave him shit when he broke down in front of him.

Tommy knew his friend was being real.

And as he told him the story of what had happened his friend didn't bat an eye.

He simply went to grab them both a beer.

Roger sat back in that worn recliner cracked open his beer .
Tommy was glad to have Roger as a brother.

Then Tommy cracked open his and the damn thing exploded all over him.


Roger busted up laughing.

"Damn man that sure is a mess I mean I am sorry I know your kind of traumatized and all".

"Fuck you Roger your such a dick".

"Man relax I'm just getting you used to what's to come in the future no pun intended ".

Tommy had to laugh at that one.

And knew the hazing was far from over as he heard his phone go off he knew it was Linda he just ignored it.

"Hey man if thats Linda and she wants seconds I got a old wet suit  I never use your welcome to it ".

Roger cracked himself up in that one .


Tommy not so much.

Yes when life gets awkward 
To truly take advantage of the laugh is what asshole friends are for.


Tommy decided to turn his phone off for the night.





About John Patrick Robbins:


John Patrick Robbins the editor and chief of the Rye Whiskey Review .

He is also a full time drinker and writer whose work is often bar influenced and a hundred percent unfiltered.


His work has been published here at the Dope Fiend Daily , Synchronized Chaos, Romingos Porch , Red Fez, Horror Sleaze Trash , Piker Press , Boned Magazine , Inbetween Hangover , Blue Pepper , Rasputin, Your One Phone Call , Academy Of The Heart And Mind , Angry Old Man Magazine , Outlaw Poetry Network , Spill The Words , Five Two Poetry, Blognostics.

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