Sunday, September 16, 2018

Inside The Crackhouse with John Patrick Robbins


Question 1: What kind of cult would you like to start?

Answer:
The one that gives me free booze and tons of sex and the occasional pizza .

Question 2: What are your deepest secret beauty secrets?

Answer:
I bathe in human blood on a regular basis worship the Devil and I am actually a immortal.

Question 3: Who is your favorite member of One Direction?

Answer:
The one with the biggest tits

Question 4: Is it true that you have recently taken up residence in Jenifer Lawerence’s basement?

Answer:
Shh don't fuck it up  for me she doesn't know  I’m here , Besides she has a restraining order on me she is so in denial of are relationship.

Question 5: Are Hot Pockets scientifically the meal of the future?

Answer:
Duh I’m a writer everyone knows I can't afford food dumbass.

Question 6: Do you think our Alien overlords are conspiring with the American government to outlaw James Coney Island HotDogs?

Answer:
The CIA holds many secrets including the truth behind the female orgasm and true location of Santa Claus.

Question 7: What brand of liquor would you recommend for a first grader?

Answer:
Well preferably something smooth to genitally ease them into alcoholism ,  like Old Grandad or  Absinthe.

Question 8: What are your thoughts on the philosopher Russel Brand? Do you find him as attractive as I do?

Answer:
I am more a Neil Diamond man myself but I really don't listen to death metal much anymore

Question 9: If you had to compare your love life to a movie would it be Twilight by M Night Shyamalan , or Steven Kubrick’s film entitled My little Pony friendship is magic?

Answer:
I used to love going to the mall with Grandpa till those Nazi bastards kicked us out for hanging round the escalator too often.

Question 10: Am I still pretty enough for Hollywood?

Answer:
Sometimes the voices tell me its wrong to open portals to hell and offer my neighbors as human sacrifices to the dark Lord , but I never listen to them cause only crazy people hear voices.

Question 11: What are your political thoughts about water and freshly cut grass?

Answer:
I believe I will pour concrete all over my lawn and decorate bricks like flowers wearing my Sunday best , and drink whiskey instead of water cause remember when it comes to water fish fuck in it.

4 comments:

  1. YES! I've been waiting for the next interview, this cracked me up!!! I love the break from all the monotonous list of questions other places that do author interviews ask. I dig it.

    ReplyDelete
  2. hahahahaha, "drink whiskey instead of water cause remember when it comes to water fish fuck in it" - sage advice!!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Bwa ha ha ha ha ha!

    Perfect answers to perfect questions.

    ReplyDelete

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