My barely legal wife at the time asked me
as those beautiful eyes stared at me.
In that same way whenever I knew I better cave or the fun time factory was going be closed for awhile.
“Well honey you know that's not really my style, and especially after getting back from the war and all it just seems like something inside me died.”
“But you weren't ever in the service.”
“Yeah I know that's what's so fucked up about it.”
She replied looking slightly confused.
Once again my use of choice yet altogether confusing bullshit had worked. Kids they’re so easily impressed with bullshit no wonder those fucking Twilight books sold.
Dam you Jedi mind trick you never fucking work!
Screw you George Lucas for mind raping me as a child not that I watched those films.
What do you think I am some kinda dork who posts shit all over the net for cheap
laughs because he has no true life?
Okay that was a bit harsh I have a life well kinda.
“Gonz!, Are you listening?”
My demented little hooker with a heart of gold asked.
“Of course I'm listening, duh you know I'm a artist I'm like always deep in thought
about serious shit.”
“Okay like what?”
“Well if your a hand model and you book a gig is it called a hand job?”
“Are you fucking nuts?”
“No sweetheart I'm a drunk.”
“Your right I've always been insane with a chance of brilliance and some misspelled ideas.”
“Look Gonz I'm not joking just listen okay.”
My little nympho just went on speaking and like any good man I paid no attention and just shook my head in agreement.
It's a trick I learned from my grandfather.
Course now it's no longer a secret being I've let all the chicks know dammit.
She kept rattling on all the while I thought pure sweet thoughts while staring at her boobies.
I was lost on a sunny meadow where all was soft and gentle.
I'm kidding it was more like a porno involving Jennifer Aniston, Rihanna, and that total slut who was all the rage you know that former kids star Betty White.
It was all going pretty normal well aside from the pool of ranch dressing and Justin Bieber’s head on a goat's body.
I always knew he was into devil worship.
I just hate we have something in common.
I couldn't take it anymore so I ran I ran so far away.
But still I couldn't get away.
“So we have a deal?”
Dear Lord what had I agreed to?
Fuck you Betty White that Hannah Montana shit sucked.
“Oh thank you baby so much I just know it'll be great.”
“Yes it will.”
I had no clue what this strange little female was speaking of for once I was truly lost.
I felt all naked and vulnerable to bad no hot stripper rapist were in the vicinity.
Yeah I know that's a big word for me thank you Dora the explorer.
Sure I was disappointed when I found out it wasn't a porn, but you really have broadened my horizons.
That just sounds wrong but enough with the foreplay kids.
I was silent deep in thought and finally before I could ask.
My semi faithful nympho spilled the beans once always beats cutting them yeah girl farts they just take all the fun out it.
“Baby I can't wait to read your new romantic write.”
What dear lord!
It was a nightmare from which I couldn't wake it was impossible task
A myth like if you take yoga you can blow yourself.
Gonz cannot write romance.
It just doesn't happen hell I'm Gonz and even I know that.
“Baby after I read it I'm going to give you the best gift ever.”
“It's something you always wanted.”
My mind went spinning as to this want that would be worthy.
Hmm lets see.
“So you mean were going to murder Justin Bieber and bathe in his blood?”
“No baby even better.”
What could be better than that I thought to myself.
My mind was working overtime dammit I hadn't thought this much sense
that old teacher asked me what I wanted to do with my life.
Course then I realized when he asked me to find his candy bar in his pocket that he was just a perverted janitor.
Yeah it's a long story don't ask.
“You know baby you me and my friend and her other friend, and this time you'll actually get to join in.”
It was like Christmas for a pervert.
So looks like I was going to be writing a romantic story.
I could do this especially for some twisted freaky sex hell its what are country was founded upon.
Duh I mean bribes people!
They didn't invent freaky sex until the 60's.
You know right around the great depression.
Yeah I bet whoever invented the blowjob put a smile on someone's face.
See not only in my long winded writes do you get perversion you get culture and that history shit.
yeah I know your welcome high five to blowjobs.
I was selling my soul but it's okay it wasn't anything I hadn't done before.
To create this masterpiece I had to get alone with my thoughts.
Yet still have a good internet connection duh! How else would I write this dumbass?
What do you think I am some dinosaur that writes on paper.
Do I look like I'm Amish?
Yeah that shows about as real as my crystal meth operation
I have in the garage.
I'm kidding I don't have a garage but my grandmother does yeah like I'm going to blow up my own house.
I was off to my secret hiding place to be alone and write the greatest romance story off all time.
It would surpass all the greats of the past.
Like Gone With The Wind or that story of those two butt pirate cowboys you know
they made a movie about it called Wayne's World.
Will Gonz be able to concentrate for more than a half second.
Avoiding booze and freaky things on the internet like.
I didn't know you could fit that up there dot com.
Will anyone actually get to the end of this without falling into a coma or getting more weed not that my readers smoke weed.
Will little Timmy make it out of that well to find grandpa and lassie having a quality
peanut butter session don't ask.
All this and more will be answered in the next exciting and even more long winded
episode of Go Fuck Yourself A Love Story. Part 2 coming soon to poetry site near you.
Yeah I know I'm not right.
Stay crazy kids.
Gonz is full time drinker all around train wreck that probably shouldn't be standing let alone writing.
His work is always humorous and at times brutally honest.
He makes the occasional appearance in publications like the one you are reading today.
Hard living and tall tales are his specialty.
Thanks for reading.