Monday, April 1, 2019

Inside The Crack House With David Boski

Question 1:
How often does Little Richard leave a golden shower under your pillow and could please you describe the taste and texture of the experience?

What the fuck man, are you the American Nardwuar? who told you about this? anyways, he’s a fucking dinosaur; he has no prostate so it’s something he can’t control, but I’m not into golden showers so I didn’t taste anything. I learned quickly to lock my door, but not before I needed some new pillows and a mattress, my room still smells though.

Question 2:
What do you think is the main philosophy of extra extra creamy milkshakes?

Keep ‘em lactating.

 Question 3:
 Do morbidly obese unicorns also make you extremely horny or is that just me?

That’s just you tough stuff, but there’s a market for everything.  Just roll them in flour and aim for the wet spot, albeit it’s probably hard to roll over an obese unicorn, plus there’s that fucking horn; anyways, I think it was Shakespeare who said: “the bigger the unicorn, the better the blow job” or maybe it was Gandhi, either way.

Question 4:
What is your favorite kind of alcohol to drink while driving on the sidewalk?

Quite frankly, I don’t really care, so long as it’s getting the job done.

Question 5:
Would you agree that there is an secret organisation of inter dimensional Dolphins that are plotting to deplete the world’s supply of Mountain Dew and KY?

Fuck, I hope so. Although, what will people in West Virginia drink if the Dolphins get rid of all the Mountain Dew? Also, what will the Vatican replace the KY with? I need answers; actually no, no I don’t, I don’t care.

Question 6:
Are you currently a nudist if so could you please send me some pictures for some scientific research?

I don’t currently identify as a nudist, which is probably good for everybody else.

Question 7:
Explain your opinions on the new death metal album by Joni Mitchell and the back street boys?

It’s fucking terrible. Sounds better when you play it backwards see: don’t was your time.

 Question 8:
 As a Canadian how often do you shoot up maple syrup and moose cum?

Not often enough; you can’t get the good shit anymore, just last week they found a ton of both laced with fentanyl. Drug dealers have no morals anymore, no quality control. Things haven’t been the same since Tom Green humped that dead moose.

Question 9:
What sacrifice will you offer to me as my new rein as the supreme princess/ Aphrodite of the universe?

Rupi Kaur, all her fans, and anybody who ever purchased “Keep Calm and Carry On” shit from Ikea. Unless that’s you, in which case, I don’t apologize, kill yourself.

Question 10:
Would you rather do Jello body shots on Barney or the entire Brady Bunch?

Too many fuckers in the Brady Bunch, if it was the females only I’d have taken all those grandmas, but so long as Barney is wearing his suit and it’s not the fucking creep underneath, I’ll go Barney. Anyways, it’s been a slice. Get help, no, don’t. It’s more fun that way. What the fuck am I even talking aboot?!

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