1) When did you first realize you have better jugs than Dolly Parton and how has that revelation changed your life?
I decided I wasn't getting enough exercise so I went jogging early one morning. My breasts began slapping me in the face. I had to end my run as it got very painful. My life didn't really change much except I began eating a lot of free meals with total strangers.
2 )If you were to write a decent question here what would you ask me to ask you? Let me know so I can get naked and play Marco Polo with a bus and a 2x4.
Has being overly analytical aided your writing ability?
3) What is it like to work in the studio and more importantly how many socks do you go through? Could you describe how sweaty they are or what is it like as rocket fuel?
My kitchen is my studio. Excuse me, I'm baking brownies and have to check the oven. I go through socks like some people go through toilet paper. I don't sweat as much as I used to but could probably power a few small drones.
4) If you told me to hop on one foot and sing Like a Virgin would I do it?
Yes. We'd have a few drinks first.
5) How is the weather in FunkyTown and how would you describe it to someone who has no friends and is not legally allowed to leave their house?
Funky Town is climate controlled and located in a mall that once had a rather large skating rink. You can approximate the experience by simply stringing up some Christmas lights in your living room.
6) Would you rather Ear fuck Godzila or wear fresh onion rings on your nipples in a layer of starving vegans?
I'd go with the onion rings, making sure to eat some before the starving vegans scoffed them all.
7) Are you trying to steal my vital essence through putting fluoride in my water as part of a large-scale communist plot?
Yes. Your essence is contaminated enough to benefit a large number of depressed virgins.
8) How many times have you been arrested for driving while sexy and how did it make you feel? I’m a friend you can trust me and tell me all of the illegal things you’ve done.
I've never been arrested though I have tried. Wonder what I'm doing wrong?
9) Would you recommend warm milk and cookies or chloroform for putting Timmy to bed? Or in general what’s like the best semi-legal way to make someone unconscious?
I'd try the milk and cookies first then chloroform the kid if necessary. The best way to make someone unconscious? Make them listen to an hour's worth of Justin Bieber, not that I own any of his music.
10) Have you ever peed in a swimming pool? If so after drinking this urine water what kind of super powers would they give someone?
Yes, I admit, I peed in several pools as a youngster. They were all pools that had been previously peed in. The urine-water gives you the ability to go through airport customs undetected.
11) How do you believe human children are actually made? Personally I believe they are made by IKEA in baby manufacturing plants sponsored by Ryan Quinn Flanagan.
Ryan does have the sweetest little baby face, doesn't he?
12) So how would you rate yourself in a job you’ve never had? Also please tell us what makes you a damn great employee with a beautiful ass in this fictitious career?
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