Everyone Is Dead by Jimmy Broccoli

Late nights and we’d laugh, even when nothing was funny –

Up for 3 or 4 days – out of our minds –

The apartment windows blacked out with faded and tattered curtains

With constant mid-level fear of the police storming through our front door

Me sitting in the comfy chair naked and high as fuck –

My boyfriend sitting on the couch watching videos on his phone

It’s a Saturday night –

Or, perhaps it is a Tuesday

I don’t know – and neither does he

Bobby comes over to our place and brings his bong

I’m a hard-core junkie –

So I’ll stick with my crushed ice crystal fantasies, thank you

My boyfriend rails a line of coke and then smokes from Bobby’s bong

“Dude, why the fuck are you naked?”, Bobby asks me

My boyfriend spits out bong smoke – because he thinks it’s funny as fuck

Neither of us answers the question

I’m a 138-pound skeleton – look at me in all of my methamphetamine glory!

My boyfriend is 99 pounds – and we don’t talk about it

We both buy our clothes online, so we don’t have to shop in the Boys department at Macy’s –

It’s dinner time and I have a Dorito, and my boyfriend eats a single slice of cheese

And we think it’s funny –

It’s funny as fuck

Theodore wears glasses, looks a bit like Where’s Waldo and snorts up meth like a national champion

“Don’t trust him near your drugs”, my boyfriend frantically whispers to me

“Waldo will steel your fucking shit –

with his fucking pomaded hair and his skinny-jeans and with his big boy job”

Theodore sits next to me and takes off his shirt

“It’s hot as fuck in here, man”, he says – his Waldo striped shirt now on the floor

Neither my boyfriend nor I respond

----

Tonight is the big party – the lesbians are coming over …

Canadian Patricia and Melony and their drugs will be kicking things off nicely …

I wear underwear because CP & M don’t like seeing my dick –

and … they’ve got the drugs – so – clothing on it is!

My boyfriend stands in the kitchen hugging Joey’s girlfriend

She is big junkie girl crying upon his shoulder – her too-heavy eyeliner ruining her face

A knock at the door – it’s CP & M and their fanny pack of drugs

“Welcome lesbos!”, I too-excitedly proclaim as they enter the apartment

“I wonder which one of you fixes the car”, my boyfriend playfully sneers -

If he wasn’t anorexic, he could be a model – a short-guy model, perhaps

Melony is wearing a Bull Dike t-shirt, too tight and faded for a proper lady

“I see you put the nasty baseball bat away”, Canadian Patricia tells me matter-of-factly as she OCD lays out the mini plastic baggies on the coffee table

“Anything for you, love”, I say and smile as I produce the already-powdered credit card

Joey soon arrives and sits next to his girlfriend - then leans into her as a peace-offering

Waldo … er, Theodore and Bobby bring the ecstasy tabs with them -

And then Bobby’s little brother Daniel walks in the door – he’s 16

[Daniel would soon be the first to die]

“Pussy and titties!”, my boyfriend exclaims loudly after he snorts his first line of the hour

Canadian Patricia looks annoyed –

“What if I shouted penises and testicles after railing every line, eh?”

And the entire apartment erupts in hysterical laughter –

“Man – we’ve got drugs, man”, shushes Theodore as he nervously adjusts his glasses on his Where’s Waldo face

The apartment becomes quiet, and Joey & his girlfriend are making out heavy –

I guess she has forgiven him

I pass the mini straw to Daniel

He takes it and does half a line – that is a LOT for a beginner

My boyfriend puts an arm around him in celebration

“You’re one of us now”, my boyfriend says

As Melony looks at Daniel tenderly and motherly –

Like a mother who is drugged out would look at him

----

The thing about druggies is we don’t get obituaries –

We don’t receive flowers at the graves nobody pays for or marks

There are no ministers or representatives to conduct the funerals

[there are no funerals]

There are no loved ones crying and sharing lovely stories of how good we were

After Daniel died, Bobby killed himself with a tied rope and a chair that fell over easily

Theodore died of heart failure before the ambulance arrived

Canadian Patricia and Melony drove off a mountain edge during holiday –

Hard drug addicts shouldn’t be driving near cliffs

Joey stabbed his girlfriend during a nightmarish heroin fantasy

She bled out on their living room floor in mid-December

Joey overdosed that night – and I suspect it was on purpose

My boyfriend was the last to die

And I’m not okay with telling you how –

I was in the room when he collapsed and didn’t get up again

He didn’t get up again until he was carried out by the paramedics

… I’m just not ready to tell you about it yet …

They were my friends …

I’m here

I’m breathing

And everyone else is dead

----

“It’s Jimmy Broccoli – ladies and gentlemen”!

[thunderous applause erupts from an invisible audience]

Former methamphetamine addict

GHB, cocaine, ecstasy and benzodiazepines …

Triple-decade alcoholic

Poet

Aggressive and dedicated bodybuilder

Militant sleep schedule

Militant clean living

Militant nutrition & perfectly timed meals

43 daily supplements

Vegan & animal welfare advocate

Heath …

Almighty health!

And loneliness

So much loneliness

Being the survivor is awful

And I know – no matter what I do

I’ll always be the bad guy

______________

Jimmy Broccoli is the author of 5 collections of poetry and one illustrated book of adult satire ("Mommy, I Can't Find My Motherfucking Socks"). He is a librarian and a beginning bodybuilder who enjoys playing with puppies.